Insert scream…..agrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhh!! STILL frustrated, but man my passion to get rid of this weight is epic, it’s strong! As I said before I’m so damn sick of waking up to the weight in my chest, the inability to get out of bed, restless nights sleep and soooooooooo many more neg and annoying feelings.

So I’ve been reading “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, this is my 2nd time around reading this book and there is also an audio version of this book and a movie if listening and watching rather than reading suits you better. 2nd time round I’m feeling alot more GRATEFUL for each word I read, honestly I get this tingly sort of weight rising out of me feeling whenever I read this book. I find that I need to be relaxed myself and ready to read before I begin reading to really take in the teachings in this book. I get a really excited feeling to read it as it has SO much to teach me. And I try, I really do try so hard to practice and implement the lessons I’ve learnt from the teachers whom are a part of the lesson “The Secret” but…I always feel like I fall short of achieving most sorts of positivity in my life. When something that has effected me such as a conversation in my day I can look back on it and see where I went and am going wrong with my thoughts but in the moment I end up digging a bigger whole for happy Mumma to emerge out of. And even knowing “The Secret” and knowing any negative thoughts will just continue to come my way by thinking them my busy brain still drifts back to how I felt hurt in that moment. I feel alot of hurt as of late and I need to believe, because it’s actually true, I think that, I’m only hurting myself. I feel like I need to wrap myself in bubble wrap, speak to know one but my partner (of course, my safe calm place) and I feel that this will protect me and my feelings and my brain in the hope that time will heal my thoughts.

Next question but, how long will I need, how long will I be a problem in everyone whom surrounds me lifes??? Answer me that please?!

I try to do activities that calm and and heal me and touch me in a happy way leaving happy thoughts, my activities are those of having animal docos on either watching them or having them on in the background really soothes and calms my nervs. David Attenborough is my fav!! Same goes with Harry Potter, mostly I watch move #1 as having 3 littlies around it’s the most child friendly and least dark. Sitting with my kids is another, chocolate dare I say is another, gardening…. Finding time to fit these things into my busy life is difficult but with anything that you want I find I just block out the rest if this is what I really need right now.

Am I helping anyone or is putting my story out their only making me more vulnerable? I do pray and think that their are people reading this that find comfort and help in following my journey.

Mumma x