mummasmentalhealth

In the hope that by sharing my painful story will help you in your time of need..

I was first diagnosed with my mental illness about 6months post delivery of my first born so although I did suffer morning sickness for the first trimester of this pregnancy I had not yet awoken my illness. It wasn’t until 5 weeks into my second pregnancy that the downward spiral began, as did countless Dr appts, leaving my casual cafe work and more.

The trigger for the spiral of my mental illness has so far been early pregnancy. And oddly it has gotten worse each pregnancy.

Now we have tried for all 3 of my children. Not one was unplanned and you know what it wasn’t until my 3rd pregnancy that we decided I couldn’t carry any more babies which means the pain I suffered mentally (let alone the standard pregnancy, labour and beyond pains both physically and mentally) was eventually forgotten about to try all over again. Great news for you, Mumma got through it and so WILL YOU. Not however without many I like to call them “Guardian Angels” (professional people, family, friend or stranger). I needed these people to carry me literally at times from 5weeks pregnant to about 12weeks and than stay close by until delivery which for me is where I tend to be able to manage my illness alot easier with the help of medication and also still the routine catch ups with my Guardian Angels too.

So as I tried for my babies I was eager to be expecting and would begin doing pregnancy tests even before missing a period. The moment the test showed positive and literally the next morning before I’d even have blood tests to confirm I’d feel yucky in the tummy and become more tired. *That to me now is a big mental health thing, like I know what can happen in early pregnancy so naturally if I’m pregnant these horrible symptoms should start immediately. I shouldn’t think that way but now looking back knowing that so many problems with my mental health are infact mostly false feelings but real to me in my head but not in real life. (Am I making sense, words are rolling in my head right now wanting you to not feel alone or be scared if you are going through this journey yourself.)

So all the normal symptoms of early pregnancy would lead me to fear of going out, fear of eating and feeling ugly. A massive lack in motivation which would lead to needing to be showered and fed, my fiance and many others would take time out of their daily routines to do school run, do house work, babysit and basically everything I would normally do myself for myself and for my family. Both pregnancies that my mental health spiralled my family had to move us out of our home, one because we lived to far out of town at the time and I felt isolated and worsened dramatically whenever I would have to go home so my family and I moved into my Mum’s so she could help my fiance tend to me and our family. The other was just bad timing the rent increased and we needed to find another affordable home so although my fiance was then master at handling my illness my support network did have to help us move yet again whilst I was in the midst of hardly functioning let alone capable of packing my family of 4 up and shifting house.

Before I end the story of what I endured when I was expecting I want you to know that there were also steps I took as a new Mum each time to help myself and my fiance and kids to get me back on track and manage my illness once again. Steps like choosing to formula feed instead of breastfeed as I felt to flustered about breastfeeding and now I’ve learnt so much more about managing my illness and being a Mum of 3 and fiance as my youngest has just turned 1. I’ll be continuing to learn and manage my mental health for some time.

I know what your going through, how you feel…talking with me may help you.